With the recent Fantasia debockle freshly being bounced around the blog sphere there isn’t a shortage of two pennies being thrown into the discussion mix. Some people are finding this incident to be an opportunity to make fun Fantasia; others are reaching deeper and attempting to understand and feel empathy for a black woman on the verge of checking out.

Either way…

No matter what Fantasia’s reason for attempting to commit suicide may be, I thought it was high time SOMEBODY set a few of yall mother fuckas straight.

YES....Suicide is an escape. THAT'S THE POINT, ASSHOLE!

Simply put, not everyone wants to participate in this bullshit called ‘life’. It’s supposed to be a ‘gift’ but how many times have YOU been given something you a) didn’t ask for and b) don’t want?

It doesn’t make a person crazy to not want to be bothered with the constant grind that is called struggle ‘life’. Food, clothing and housing aren’t guaranteed to any person on Earth..so what if you can’t figure out how to maneuver through the daily demands for the privilege to breathe for five minutes more? You’re shit outta luck if you’re looking for love, acceptance, kindness, empathy…there isn’t much of that around either.

What is a person to do? Pray on it! What happens when God isn’t listening? You religious freaks will insist that the person isn’t praying hard stronger, faster, long enough to please God to his satisfaction. Once YOU stop being a looser then God will come and hook you up! It’s that simple, right?

Is there a God up there listening? Than why isn’t HE doing more to assist with this ‘gift’ of life that each of us has been given? Oh, because maybe there is no God and sometimes those who want to make a quick Exit stage right realize this.

You shouldn’t be so quick to question the mental state of a person who is willing or capable of seeing life in all it’s ugly, disgusting, despicable, hypocritical bloated-ness. If anything, I question the mental stability of those who are willing/capable/able to digest that bullshit called religion and press on in hopes of  BRIGHTER DAYS. At some point you have to admit that you’re really only practicing wishful thinking. No amount of prayer is gonna make magic happen so don’t be mad at those of us who are tired of waiting for the magician to get to his big finale.

You may say that Fantasia and other parents shouldn’t commit suicide because then you leave your loved ones behind. That’s only partially relevant. Personally, the only thing that kept me around WAS my daughter; if not for her, I would happily be in the cold Earth somewhere. Kids are something to be considered maybe, however, whose to say that each person that attempts to commit suicide (or succeeds) actually HAD a loving family. You can only presume. Humans apply their own ideals to the situations around them and are quick to over look the fact that not everyone has a family or a family that gives a fuck. More times than not, it’s that same LOVING FAMILY that makes a mother fucka wanna cliff dive off of a tall building with a gun to their temple for good measure.

Fuk them nagging ass worthless kids, those needy ass shady relatives and those impossible, ungrateful, emotionally deprived parents!! FUCK THEM ALL…hypothetically.

Some pain can’t be cured with a pill. There is no guarantee in therapy, a prescription bottle, hypnotism, chanting, mediation or anything else one may be offered to sooth a restless, depressed heart.

No, emotions are the most intimate parts of a person’s being. Only YOU know what and how you feel and while others may shout at the alter of their local store front church, drool and blindly stare rave at how quick and easy an anti-depressant cured their depression or find happiness at the end of a hot yoga class others can’t find their piece of that dam peace. It is then that the one option…. the final option of peace and tranquility become evermore evident. After rubbing religion, drugs, sex, prescriptions and life style changes on an open wound..some of us are willing to accept that our injured souls may be beyond repair. It’s a form of critical diagnosis no different then the one you get when the doctor sadly informs you that your cancer is spreading and you have a few days to live.

Your permission isn’t needed to arrive here through birth and you don’t have the right to die…kinda fuck’d up if you ask me.

I don’t pity those who are suicidal. If anything I understand. I hope there is something that can be done to alleviate the pain Fantasia and others like her me feel. Keep your jokes and your diagnosis, motha fuka. Keep your religion and your lifestyle changes while you’re at it.

The next time you hear about a person committing suicide don’t cry for the weary. Instead, do what you can do to make each human’s time on Earth something to be treasured and not to be mortally rejected. If it is help that Fantasia needs, it is help I hope she gets but I will not insult her by offering her my pity.

And I’m dam done!

© 2010, Tracy Renee Jones. All rights reserved.